doing the most

I was doing some thinking about me, my life, and all the things adjacent to in. When you work in philanthropy and altruism, those things can be hard to do. I think, admittedly, since I came out of the womb, I have always been “doing the most.” My friends, to this day, still laugh, look at my, and brassily say, “girl, you’re doing the most.”

I hustle, I bustle, I stress, and I agonize. I’m anxious and I worry and do too much. And then it hit me: in almost every single situation of my life, I’m worrying about what could happen and trying to meticulously plan. Even down the pants I wear and the coffee I’m debating on at 2:00 pm on a weekday. There is anxiety, there are strategics, and calculations. About a freaking drink.

I try to preemptively plan and decide literally everything. I look at menus ahead of time for places I want to go (after I’ve insanely Yelped them), I never buy anything without really thinking about it and processing reviews. Don’t even get me started on the dashboard I’ve built for my career plans.

And it’s taken me twenty something years to realize that despite all the stress, freaking out, and anxiety it has caused me, I’ve gotta let it go and say it’s not worth it. Because it’s not! I need to stop worrying about what could happen, and rather, ask myself, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

We live in a world that glorifies anxious and obsessive behaviors, working and stressing to the bone, and hustling until you can’t hustle anymore. It’s ingrained in our culture, and it’s played off in those weird etsy mugs Pinterest moms buy. Hustling is great, by all means, but what happens when you’re hustling too much that this balancing act goes awry? Where is the line between building a life and living it?

Which is why I have decided that I am going to try to do/freak out/worry/stress less, and focus on living my life. I’m going to try to be more flexible, and try to be more decisive instead of hemming and hawing. And I’ve managed to convince myself that if I promise this on the internet, that I’ll be accountable.

ps, I truly worried about what image to post with this, until I finally decided to just pick cherry blossoms bc I love cherry blossoms.

2 thoughts on “doing the most

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