take me to milk bar not red lobster

Everyone has different thoughts when it comes to birthday cake. It’s like the perfect man—if you ask different women, they’ll come up with radically different imaginations as to what the perfect man is like. My perfect man is a tall, handsome, intelligent, charming and witty man who looks like a cross between Childish Gambino and Henry Golding. He has secret tattoos, is a philanthropist, loves travel, and looks effortless in suits, almost CASUAL in suits.

However, for some women their perfect man is Cole Sprouse, who looks greasy and like he hasn’t bathed in quite some time. Don’t even get me started on the little gals who think Noah Centineo is their dream man.

But for most people, when you think of birthday cake, you think of white cake with rainbow speckles circling throughout, super-sweet white frosting and a baked delight that tastes like birthday parties and excitement. You know what I’m talking about, that Betty Crocker funfetti mix.

This cake is the queen of birthday cakes, and takes your old pal Betty’s favorite to the next level. It’s like how as a kid you loved gummy bears and grew up to love rose and champagne infused bears, or how as a child you loved Chef Boyardee (I lowkey still love as an adult from time to time) and now you love those ravioli at restaurants where they give you like three but it’s decorated super elegantly and makes you mentally think it’s more than three.

Milkbar has completely transformed childhood favorites and baked loves into their bougier best selves–imagine the version of you that drinks a lot of wine in a summer home. But what really makes me laugh is not only that they use the standard McCormick vanilla that you can snag at the grocery store, but that they POST THEIR RECIPES ONLINE.

Yup, you can find the recipe for this delectable delight right on their website–talk about transparency. It’s bold of them. But we all know it isn’t going to taste the same as the cakes that come straight out of Brooklyn.

I can’t quite explain it. Imagine a flavorful, buttery vanilla cake that’s moist and rich, with little crunchy crumbs embedded throughout, all held together by this thick luscious icing that would make the kids come running to the birthday party. It’s quite literally, the epitome of the perfect birthday cake. You go, milkbar.

ps, I prefer cupcakes, but my favorite cake flavor is red velvet, because well, duh.

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